By Ben Knight

 

And just like that, the team with the silly name is champion of men’s professional soccer, north of the south end of El Paso, Texas.

They earned it, too – knocking off Columbus, Chicago and Los Angeles, after being just about as dead as dead can be entering their final match in the MLS regular season.

So – just once – in honour of all that – I’m going to call them by name:

Real Salt Lake.

It’s hard to legitimize a name like that.  D.C. United and the Houston Dynamo don’t run up against nearly the same credibility problems.  Yoinking the appellation of Madrid’s Galacticos, and bolting it to Salt Lake City is stunningly similar to:

- Oklahoma City Celtic

- Hoboken Hotspur

- Sporting Memphis

None of those really get it, though.  It’s hard to adequately satirize a name so uniquely and naively arrogant.

- Utah Jazz

And yet, Seagull City SC awake this morning with the one key piece of credibility they have never previously possessed – a championship.

And how they got there is a case study for the MLS playoff system at its most – MLS.

The Gulls were deader than dead when they lost 1-0 at Toronto FC on Danny Dichio Giant Banner Day at BMO Field.  Real seagulls rode the swirling lakeshore downdrafts, while the Salt Lake ones sprawled vanquished on the ghastly green plastic of the Canadian soccer dream.

But then Toronto lost in New York – and a whole bunch of other things happened, too.  An impossible letter arrived from MLS headquarters, inviting the Cinderella Seagulls to play a series of playoff matches against the defending-champion Columbus Crew.

They won.

Then it was off to Chicago, for an event unique in the history of sport – an Eastern Conference final between teams from the Central and Mountain time zones.

They won.

And then, last night’s star turn in Seattle, downing David Beckham, Landon Donovan et al on penalty kicks to claim the MLS Cup. 

And no, it doesn’t really matter at all that SLC was a sub-.500 team this year.  Struggling teams win cups all over the soccer world.  The most tangible difference is that MLS, alone, gives its league championship to the cup lifter, instead of the team which prevails over the entire long grind of the regular season.

But that’s all North American sports.  No surprise there. 

My biggest knock on the Salt Lake team’s name is that I learned early-on it makes curious newcomers write off the entire league without a second thought.  But championships do bring legitimacy – unless you’re the Tampa Bay Lightning of the NHL.  (That’s actually a better name than RSL, because there’s a lot more lightning in central Florida than there is Spanish royalty in Utah.)

All nomenclature aside, I love what Seagull City did last night.  This is a fun little footy team.

I knew they couldn’t bunker with Beckham crossing and Donovan ready to pounce.  The best alternative was to push the ball, and keep it in the L.A. end as much as possible, so the Galaxticos would have to run the field anytime they wanted a shot on goal.

This is a task the Salt Lake roster seems built for.  Hard hustle and searching passes from Kyle Beckerman in the middle.  Robbie Findley’s scorching speed up-front, alongside the up-tempo, who-knows-what’s-going-to-happen opportunism of Yura Movsisyan.  Oh, and that deeply talented Will Johnson kid.  Canadian, eh?

I wanted to see them push, push, push all night, and bless their hard-running hearts, they did.  

It almost didn’t matter.  L.A. took gamely to the challenge of having to push the ball 70 yards almost every time they got it.  They took the lead on a spectacular three-man move, with perfect long passes from both Beckham and Donovan setting up a Mike Magee tap-in just before the break.

Findley put two stamps on the equalizer – one sloppy, one sublime.  Moments before the goal, he was played into the open, hitting mach two on the dead run to daylight.  But his first touch was terrible, setting up a three-way collision that injured the hand of Galaxy goalie Donovan Ricketts.  That didn’t help at all, shortly after, when Findley made a dazzling move to zip home a crazily bouncing Movsisyan rebound to tie the match.

After that, it was mostly a question of could they keep running? (yes), and could they prevail in the shootout? (yes).

Just as he had a week before in Chicago, SLC ‘keeper Nick Rimando stole the shootout.  Only two saves this time, but those and the three he smothered in the East final must all have been on Donovan’s brain when the L.A. Whizbang hoofed his penalty over the bar.

At the start of the season, many observers who thought they knew what they were talking about picked Salt Lake as the best team in the west.  It just never got around to happening, even though they could be a blast to watch when they threw it into the high gears and just went sailing.

And now, perhaps the most disappointing team in MLS this season (I’m not always Canada-centric, you know) – has won the cup.

I admire the win, and the way they achieved it.  I couldn’t even begin to tell you who the best team in Major League Soccer really is this morning, so in a land of forced parity and teams with silly names, let’s just let the cup speak for itself.

All hail Seagull City SC – 2009 champions of Our Little League.

Onward!

P>S>>> Onward! is accepting donations to offset some year-end expenses.  If you love this kind of soccer writing, please consider clicking the donations box on the right side of your screen.  Thanks!